It's Where My Demons Hide
by Ayolen
Summary: Adrien Agreste is a sad, lonely and depressed boy. And actually he has a lot of problems... A series of angsty, sad and melancholic oneshots. Full summary of each chapter inside.
1. Hollow

_**Chapter 1 : Hollow**_

...

 _ **Summary:**_

"There are three things that cannot be taken back: The word spoken in haste, The missed opportunity, and The action after it's done."

Akuma allows people the power to do what they wish sorely.

Akuma gives the opportunity to do what they never could.

Destroying the thing that hurts them the most...

But what happens when the person you most hate is yourself?

 _-Self-harm, depression warnings..._

...

* * *

.~.~.

 _ **There are three things that cannot be taken back.**_

He bit his lip in an attempt to prevent it from shaking. A dull pain throbbed in his chest like a poison spreading, creeping into the dangerous areas slowly. It was just too much.

He looked at the razor blade in his hand, biting his lip even harder.

He could not do it.

He could not help but do it.

It's so hard...

"Adrien," came a voice from the other side of the door, causing the boy to jump in shock and drop the knife from his hand.

"Adrien, are you there?" Plagg waited only a few seconds for politeness before going through the bathroom door. He noticed his chosen closing the cabinet door by the mirror and looking frightened like a kitten in the rain.

Not that Plagg could blame him. As if, seriously, the boy's dad was just awful.

Why did he always have to be so hard to the kid? Didn't he see how much Adrien was trying to please him?

"Hey, how are you?" Plagg voice softened, trying to coax Adrien out of the stalemate.

The boy clenched his mouth and the kwami noticed small drops of blood rolling down his lip.

After a moment Adrien looked down and sighed.

"Plagg... I do not understand what I'm doing wrong." He mumbled miserably, his head still lowered and his hair covering the evidence of the tears glittering in his eyes.

 _ **\- The word spoken in haste.** _

_The fashion designer hurled painful words at his son. The fresh memory still gave a sickening shock to Adrian's back. he tried. He really tried. But with all his impossible schedule by itself, and with his part-time job as a superhero, he just could not. His performance was good, they would provide any other person who is not Gabriel Agreste._

 _But his father will not accept anything less than perfect._

 _"If you tried at least, after all I gave you." The words were like small knives._

 _"You know exactly how important it is, if you did not focus solely on yourself," cold words like shards of ice._

 _"Ungrateful child."_

The boy chewed his lip in a trance, detached from reality. While the catlike creature tapped cautiously on the bright head, did not really know how to react now.

Ugh, humans can be so complicated...

"Hi, kid, wanna run?" Plagg gently brushed the golden hair on which he had landed. "Release some pressure. Huh?"

For a moment was too quiet except for the sound of the nasal strokes from Adrien's direction. Then he wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt and nodded.

Seconds later, a black leather-covered boy jumped over the roofs of Paris mad gallop.

.~.~.

As soon as the butterfly window opened, the man felt the target.

He did not even have to transform to feel all the negative emotions piled up there. The current was so strong that he really wondered how a normal person did not feel it.

There was so much potential hidden in such a painful akuma. Hawkmoth had only to connect a little to the dark feelings, to know exactly what to provide to the victim.

"Nooroo," his voice trembled in command, "Transform me."

As soon as the mask covered his face, he felt the tremendous intensification of emotions.

Ah. Such an easy target.

His lips curled in a pleased smile as he noticed the person on the purpose.

You'd think that half of the prize already in his hand.

.~.~.

The cat looked numbly at the street below. Carried on the tallest building in Paris, only wondering.

He didn't notice the black butterfly approaching, either because of the darkness of night or the numbness that echoed inside him.

"Chat Noir," he heard a faintly familiar voice in his head, "this suffering, the unbearable feelings... You are abandoned in this cold world, don't find the courage to be who you are, so scared, so disappointing."

Knives already pierced his chest, as if they had made a turn. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

But, "Lady-" he hummed feebly.

"Ladybug?" Whispered the mesmerizing voice, "You know you've never been more than only a sidekick."

It was... true.

She always got along without him. All those times he was influenced by every akuma and turned against her, she managed to win both them and him... even without difficulty.

What was he doing there even?

"You can have the power to finish with all this, stop feeling all that terrible pain that's eating you."

Chat licked his cracked lips, tasting the metallic taste on them.

"Stop... the pain." He echoed like a broken CD after Hawkmoth.

"Exactly," said the villain, "I can give you the power to be strong, to stop being afraid, all I ask for in return is just a small pair of earrings."

And really, was it worth it?

"So did you get the deal, Fated?"

But was not it?

.~.~.

Ladybug noticed akuma almost immediately. This was mainly thanks to Alya and her journalist sense who was always in a hurry to document all the events.

As soon as her best friend released the place of akuma on the Ladyblog, Marinette quickly transformed to face him.

Fortunately, it doesn't seem he has done anything until now. Still, she had no idea what his powers were.

Unfortunately, she's probably going to find out soon.

"Hi." She called out to the ecumenical citizen.

He turned toward her, "Ladybug," he pulled the syllables slowly, wearily. He did not expect to meet her so fast, but a deal was a deal, "Give me the earrings." His voice was dry.

"A-hah, right away," snorted the heroine. Receives only a shrug. He made no move to take the Miraculous from her.

He did not feel the need, he was trying, was not he? And what is the benefit at all?

She began to feel uncomfortable, something strange about this place. "Who are you exactly?" She looked him over, masked, and the edges of his clothes torn, otherwise he seemed perfectly ordinary. She had no idea what the dark butterfly could be.

"The name is Fated," he replied numbly. Why the hell does this person make _her_ feel wrong?

"Well, do not get used to it," the heroine called coldly, pulling out her yo-yo and pointing at him. "It looks like you're not going to have a big challenge, I can easily take you down."

 _ **\- The missed opportunity.** _

He shrank a little, recoiling against his will. "I'm not going to fight you now." He raised his hand, and she noticed the dark energy that flowed around his fingers before he hit the blow below him and set up a wave of ruins from the Eiffel Tower.

Ladybug hurried to hold on to a nearby building to escape the fall, and when the dust cloud dispersed, she saw him no longer.

.~.~.

Despite all that might have been assumed, he still felt everything.

And that "everything" was a hundred times worse than anything he had felt before. He felt all the pain as if it had just happened, everything that had been repressed for years and accumulated inside...

Nevertheless, he got what he wanted.

He may not have exempt of emotion, but he had the courage.

And he was not afraid anymore.

Fated raised his hand slowly, now there was nothing to stop him. He finally got the strength to do what was too weak in the past.

Hypnotic black flashes sparkled between his fingers.

destruction.

Just like always.

But this time, he could finally stop it.

A half-amused smile adorned his face. With a hollow laugh, he thanked his sworn enemy who had finally given him the chance.

With that, he ran his hand smoothly over his heart.

 ** _\- And The action after it's done._ **

And when the fingers penetrated through the flesh, a small black butterfly was released from inside.

.~.~.

Ladybug landed on the other side of the ruins of the Eiffel Tower. She was right to find Fated there.

But not as she wanted.

She screamed in horror as she saw the familiar deadly force, when the boy touched directly on his chest.

The scream did not lose its power when in front of her eyes, Fated became her partner.

And she kept yelling again and again and again, implore appalled, for a considerable time in which he was covered with green light and lost his transformation.

.~.~.

The man behind the window collapsed on his chair, his hands covering his mouth, in what was probably the greatest emotional gesture he had shown for too long.

Ironic to understand this now.

He closed his eyes with a piercing despair.

...What has he done...?

* * *

 _A/N: I would say that there's still a chance. Or maybe there isn't._

 _Again, it was posted as well as on AO3 (well, Some time ago, but I thought; Why not?)_

 _Please forgive me for all mistakes or something... I don't speak English very well._

 _...Hope you like it anyway and have fun._

 _Please review, I will really appreciate it!_


	2. Numb

_**Chapter 2 : Numb**_

 _ **Summary:**_

At first he smiled. But then it just got too hard...

Based on song Numb by Linkin Park.

* * *

.~.~.

At first he smiled.

He did what was expected of him.

Located in places that he should be at the right time, doing what he was told.

For hours and hours, he would sit and look toward the camera. Smiling with false happiness, as if he was not being forced to do it.

As if he was happy.

He no longer notices who is telling him, he just does it.

He manages to smile, just because he has practiced it from scratch age, just as children practice to play hide or seek.

It's like playing a game. He wears a smile on his face.

A false, fake smile. Totally lied. A hollow and empty expression to the core.

But that's okay.

Everything is fine. He used to that... an act that accompanies him throughout his life.

But then it just got too hard.

He has no power anymore. He is tired of being what they want him to be.

Feeling so faithless. Alone stands against the world. Struggling with reality, fighting... but he is only a little boy in the river of life.

He is lost under the surface. Underneath all this costume of inadequate perfection, he was just an old wreck.

Without knowing how they expect him to walk in someone else's shoes, and every step he takes is another mistake to them.

He was so drained, resigned to the fact that he was only a shell, only a deceptive exterior, the interior was so hollow. Feelings are so hard work...

Everything has become too difficult to endure. And he did not want to do anything anymore.

And how tired he was. He just wanted to crawl into his bed and sleep for days...

He could not raise a smile.

The pain that has repressed had shattered in waves, frozen and broken. Everything came up again. But it did not find a handle. He could not feel enough to care.

He becomes so numb, everything feels so far. Everything is muffled, as if he's staring at his life through thick glass. Everything is blocked and careless. He can't feel them there.

Everything is faded and dry.

Directly at the lens, his eyes remain empty and dead.

He became so tired, so much more aware.

The photographers notice, they scold him and re-shooting.

Over and over again.

He is not really a counting.

It would be known to his father, he knows, but he does not really care.

He is too tired.

Perhaps he would prolong his sleep, like bears in winter sleep.

The shooting get lengthen. Gabriel will not agree to performance less than perfect, everyone knows it, they do not want to suffer his wrath.

Adrian knows it best of all, all his life he has tried to please a man who is satisfied of nothing.

Everything must match exactly. What will not - will disappear from the road. Except to Adrien. He doesn't even have that consolation. He would have to reach perfection.

Can't he see that he's smothering him? holding too tightly, tied, afraid to lose control...

There is no point in trying.

His father would be angry, so disappointed ...

Because everything that he thought his son would be, Has fallen apart right in front of him.

But it doen't matter.

Because it always happened.

And the light is so blinding, almost torturing, so painful... too dazzling to the dark world, but it makes sense, because this light is only an illusion. Make people believe in a lie.

When he closes his eyes, he only thinks about the moment when he will fall asleep. Maybe for a year.

Feels so low, imprisoned in a sealed dream. He does not have enough air. He can not breathe.

Everything is spinning around, the world continues to gallop on the horse, and he just caught in the undertow.

And every second he wastes is more than he can take.

Everything was set for him... he had no point in trying.

He does not have the strength to try.

Cold heart remains cold heart. Even if the warm heart can become cold.

...Maybe it's genetic.

The hustle and bustle around, everyone tries to do their job right, but he does not relate, he does not notice. He can not focus on anything, too much activity, too many actions...

They ask him to do everything right, and while he really tries, he just can't...

They do not understand what's wrong. What is different from ever. What happened. Everything went as planned in advance, on a fixed and permanent schedule. And he does not have the strength to explain that it's not all things... it's him.

He comes home, only to encounter his reprimanding father, clarifying and warning.

But he did not really care if his father took him out of school.

It no longer feels comfortable. And he could not see them all anymore. He knows that the majority speak to him only because he is a rich model. Except maybe Nino. Nino only feels sorry for him.

He would certainly be glad he did not have to lose another time because of him...

Aware that all other people talk to him only because they need and pay them to do so...

You can even see it on Chat Noir, the mask that hides his identity, the mask that reveals the real feelings of people. No one really needs him.

He feels like underwater, like a lost sunbeam, all light gone out. Everything seems so blunt.

He becomes so numb.

Gabriel is no longer felt, he can't feel Ladybug.

He knows he'll never really be enough for them. They need perfection... something he can not give.

And he falls, falling every time anew. Why should he even try to get up any more?

He feels so useless. burden.

He tries to atone for his criminal existence by self-sacrifice in favor of the city. Fight evil, bring peace.

He failed that too.

What can you expect from bad luck?

How many times was he a burden on Ladybug, just because he was so useless? He brought her only difficulty and waste of time.

To be honest, he knows it will be relieved for his father. He will not have to give him time... well, try to do it and then try to atone for his failure and perhaps feel guilty.

They'd be better off without him.

No one cares. And the worst - even he was no longer cares.

He becomes so numb.

But not enough.

He's just going to get into bed now.

...

Not sure he's going to get up.

* * *

 _Sooo..._

 _Thank you so much for everyone who review, you make me so happy!_

 _I hope to hear your opinion...?_

 _Thanks for reading!_


	3. Her Color

Red was a color that symbolized life.

Red was a color that radiates craving, longing for a certain thing...

Red was a color of warning.

Red was her color.

In the midst of a muffled silence, surrounding by mute and broken cries, which tearing from inside every trace of humanity and deafening her ears.

She stared at the mesmerizing emerald eyes, staring into her, and she doesn't able to look away from those pure eyes. A naughty spark still lingered on them. Frozen for forever.

The neon green she use to loved, dissipating... leaving behind only a faint hint of faded color... lifeless... hopeless.

Crimson fills the frozen eyeballs. As if to stifle her distress. There is no more choice.

A silent chest, no more moving, not rising. A breath that will not return to his nose, an air full of pain that will swirl around him and miss him, hurting everyone who present.

In her breath she feels the deep metal smell, like an old iron. Used. Rust that had formed to a deceptive shape, like a chain of rocking that had been worn from enthusiastic children... Like a shackling chain of a prisoner rotting in a jail.

Once it gets rusty enough, unfit, it's just replaced.

Worthless, hopeless.

Everything passes and changes, only the memory remains, and when the cruel game of time decides to involve its position ... When time speaks, it will crystallize into a solid cloud of camouflaged loneliness and hidden pain, of false memories and blind truth. Bent around the person to drag him forward against all his will, against his ability to continue the journey...

Every little spark that remains will disappear. A single dim memory, as if through a faded glass window, will fade away.

That's all that's left in the end.

Nausea rose in her.

Waves on waves, rising within her, repressed, abandoned and denied feelings, warn of their presence, their existence.

Her eyelids get wet and blur her vision. Everything melts into a faded picture, flickering in warning colors.

It's too late... too late...

She looked down at the fresh corpse in her arms.

She feels inherent in a nightmare, what is reality here?

Just wishing not to wake up again to this cold world. It was not supposed to end this way, evil couldn't win. A butterfly was meant to live only one day, before it's next incarnation, the little butterfly was not meant to be a murderer.

But everything was real.

The butterfly was a dark moth that took the worst out of people. It was only a matter of time before the battle would turn into a much darker place ...

Time is stopped. There is no movement, no emotion. Everything is frozen in a sea of finality, a distorted reality, stuck in space, which will remain forever, will never change.

But there is no sense of existence.

The shiny black skin that cover his body, change its color, as if to match the monotonous landscape around.

In the end, the end always comes... And sometimes when it's hard for it to wait for someone, the end comes before the beginning.

A small thought made its way into her dim and weak mind, watching everything collapsing in front of her eyes...

All around it blinks all in a uniform color.

She could not stand red.


	4. Beautiful Lies

Warnings: Implied little schizophrenia, insanity.

Summary: Person can not live with a feeling that is always broken. And if he has no possibility of repair... he falls into denial.

* * *

 _Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart._

You could say that Adrien was already used to it. This was the simple and basic definition of his life. With how frustrating it was, and how painful it was to admit it. He knew it. It was obvious.

Until the moment it was no longer clear.

His mother, who had disappeared from his life just like that, had changed the whole reality into dark, boring shades until he could no longer look at his life. It was like an endless desert of demanding sand. A missing piece of a puzzle that will never be completed again. Only the memories of broken happiness.

His father, even when he was there, he was not there. Like a perpetual ghost presence that left his spine shuddering. Mourns his grief in a distance, closes each opening and does not allow anyone to approach. He was left with no small window to seep into any feeling of closeness. There is no way out of the dark pit.

And the girl of his dreams. Who painted the reality in vivid colors, the sound of her laughter playing in his ears far and wide, he that swayed after her like a puppy in love... The girl who wanted a professional relationship, who saw him only as a partner, rejected him time after time.

He did not want to acknowledge that, he did not want to acknowledge the reality that had become his whole life.

It just was not true.

Everything.

Every night dreaming again of the longed-for past... Every morning waking up again into the unbearable present.

Feeling so out of place. As if the world had accelerated so much, while he remained at that point. It was not waiting for him. It did not allow him to digest.

Until he started dreaming even in the day.

If there are too many cracks inside, it can not help but be reflected outward either.

It was just something his father could not control.

Person can not live with a feeling that is always broken. And if he has no possibility of repair... he falls into denial.

So it happened...

It just did not happen.

It was his life, and he got used to it. Years all over years. It did not even seem strange to him anymore. He no longer felt he was losing his mind. He knew it somewhere, knew that he was entangling himself in chains of beautiful and hypnotic lies, like a fly entering a cobweb of his own free will. But he did not feel insane anymore.

He clung to the lies he had told himself like in a life-saver. He had hoped for it all, and in the end he had begun to believe in it. He preferred to live in the illusory paradise of his head, than in the bleak reality that had only tried to draw into it.

Adrian looked at the photograph in his room and smiled warmly. "Good evening, Mom."

His mother was right there. He crossed the boundary that separated him from the intangible woman. She was back with him.

"The photoshoot lasted a long time today." He told her. It was true. Gabriel was not pleased with the results, the photographers kept take pictures again and again. It was tiresome to sit still and only smile for hours until his father finally let him go to his room.

His father took care of him, wanted to look after him, to see that he was safe. He tried to help him, that was his only goal. He would be proud of him when he did things right, Adrien knew that. He loved him.

"And the girl I love," a slightly dreamy smile draped over his lips as he continues to conjure up the recesses of the day that has passed, "returns my feelings..."

"Wait, please," Chat caught Ladybug's hand, before she took off to the rooftops. "I have to tell you."

Ladybug turned to him. "What's the matter, Chat?"

Chat raised his face with a shy little smile. He would say that. Today is the day. "I love you." Said the simple words he summoned up the courage to raise for months.

The heroine recoiled slightly. Silent for a long moment, she bit her lip. "I'm sorry, chat ..." she finally started in a quiet voice. "I love you as a partner and as a friend, you're my kitten ... but it can not be beyond that."

His lady loved him. He will give her time, she will return his feelings. She does not reject him, she's so good, and she doesn't abandon. People do not abandon him when he admits they are important, knowing that they are repairing his shattered life. She gives him a chance. She love him. She returns his feelings.

His heart was broken, holding on only by the loose adhesive paper made of broken dreams and disappointed hopes.

He continued to dream, he continued to hope, and it continued to break him more and more.

But he ignored, because reality was only a dream. They say that all reality is only in your head, if it were true, his life was a legend...

...Hope was a painful emotion.

Like a knife slicing his flesh.

But it was something. And it was better than nothing.

It broke him. But actually... wasn't he already broken?

So he kept dreaming.

That's all he has left.

* * *

 _A/N: This oneshot I wrote for a quote challenge on Miraculous Amino. Posted also there and on AO3._

 _Hope you like it._

 _I will glad to hear your opinion ._


	5. Scars

**Summary:** After Hawkmoth defeat, all Adrien has are empty space... a city that hates him and a life that feels worse than death.

 **Warnings:** depression, implied suicide.

* * *

It's amazing how little a person needs to be happy.

It is even more puzzling that a person can not see it until it is too late.

The day he had expected so much to come, came. And he certainly did not expect what had happened.

The final battle with Hawkmoth happened in the end. The end is near.

Too close...

Even a person who comes to a situation where he is certain that he has nothing to lose may lose everything.

He could think of dozens of people coming under the mask of being raised. But not him. Not again. He was already enough for him, he could not be his enemy too.

If from this point, Adrien would look back on his life, he would laugh at innocence, the situation, the whole irony of fate.

As much as everything then looked dark, it at least was not a uniform color.

But now it is now.

He is more aware, painfully aware of everything he has, everything he has barely carried on his shoulders for years, a heavy burden... Who would have thought that removing everything at once would be the last straw to break?

And now that's all he has. An empty space... a city that hates him and a life that feels worse than death.

He found himself wishing for the time he so hated, the cold reality in which he had grown up. In comparison, everything gets proportions.

He is again accompanied by a sense of being imprisoned. Only one thing that hasn't changed, he has lost the confidence that it will ever change. Because the places are only places, and he... he is imprisoned inside his body.

He was always seen in masks, dressed in the clothes ordered by someone else.

It was so painful. They could never see what was beyond him.

He was just a fancy shell of nothing.

And he tried, so hard. In Chat Noir he had put all his craving into life. Showing to the world his whole being. Shouting desperately to someone who could save him from himself, that could save him from his skin, from the life set for him. His entire behavior was shout 'help', but he was mute, and no one came. He was desperate for confirmation, a receipt that would come from someone, that it was all right, that he was all right.

Under the mask he showed what he really wanted to be.

But no one saw.

And the scars...

When he looked at his reflection, they stood so hard on his skin. But they were completely invisible.

They were a sign that he had protected those who mattered to him. They were a sign that they had won the war...

...but the winners were Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Not Adrien Agrest.

Not the son of the villain himself.

It's a battle lost in advance...

In war there are no winners. Now Paris was determined to show him that.

The fear was painful.

The aversion... makes it clear that he is not one of them. He is not like them. He's the son of a monster. He's a monster.

The laughter was worse.

The groups that looked at him with eyes surveyed, mocking what he was. Laughing with sullenness, mocking the fact that the upper model finally reveals his incompleteness.

And the whispers were the worst.

The assemblies that pointed to him and whispered among themselves. Rich and corrupt, everything belongs to him, he is against them ... The harp son reveals his true face.

All in all a defective child.

They could see nothing but skin, a top shell. They did not even want to try to get to know him.

Everything closed to him.

His father's company collapsed. The modeling was out of reach, and as soon as anyone saw his face, he was expelled immediately.

He could not turn to anything else.

People did not want to teach him. People would not hire him.

They would not come to hear when he played, they would not come closer...

The haunted scars that covered his face became more than signs of signs, they became him.

And last time, Chat Noir stands on the Eiffel Tower. His black suit is lit by the night lights of the city. Only one cat at night.

People stop occasionally and look up at the hero of Paris at the Tower of Paris. Cheering, happy, shouting cheers and thanks. It does not occur to them that they praise the person who they had just a few hours earlier denounced and shouted at him, threw sand and rubbish on him.

Because of course they can not imagine the villain's son will be Chat Noir. He would not have believed it if anyone had told him. But reality plays a painful game with the dreamers, and if you ask someone who knows Adrien well, he will say clearly that, of all, the child was a dreamer.

He is so tired of all the representative lies. Swallowing the lie where the world turns, he can not contain it anymore. There's no point in trying to prove anything to anyone, people see what they want to see.

Chat stands, pulling more applause from the crowd at the foot of the tower. In the end, he knows, in the end will come the Day of Judgment, everything will be open then, everything will be visible. A small, bitter smile appeared on his face.

He jumped from the roof.

It took to people the audience longer than needed to realize that their hero had never reached for his staff.

* * *

 _Hope you like it :)_


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